there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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