Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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