Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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