She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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