i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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