you would pick up someone in the library
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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