I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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