Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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