they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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