The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
