I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
