Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
