Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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