Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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