I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
