You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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