The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This is not my ceiling
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
