If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
