Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
