dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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