I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize