I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
