come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
