Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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