It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
