remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
