I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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