I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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