so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
