the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
