im drinking this country out of the recession.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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