My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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