WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
