we're blogging at a bar
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
