i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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