Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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