The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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