Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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