Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
