I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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