so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
