There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
