when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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