I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
