my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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