if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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