i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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