i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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