Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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