Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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