you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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