How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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