Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
