every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
