3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
