I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
