Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
