Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
