these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
