I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
