I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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