I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
