The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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