if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
