Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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