the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
