My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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