I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
