the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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