just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
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Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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