mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
