I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Less talking, more tequila
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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