in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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