at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Two words: blizzard sex
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
