Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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