Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
