Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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