Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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